Teen crisis and tragedy: Your child's cry for help
By Mayo Clinic staff

Emotional crises and traumatic events are part of everyone's life. Such experiences can be particularly damaging to teenagers, whose feelings tend to run to extremes even in the best of circumstances. Because risky behavior is also common among teens, their chances of being exposed to or involved in distressing occurrences are also increased.

Although the events that trigger crisis are often unpredictable, it's worthwhile to attempt to identify the teenagers who are at the highest risk. The behaviors that commonly predict teen crisis include:

--Having unsafe sex
--Using and abusing alcohol and drugs
--Performing poorly in school
-- Missing school

You can help your teen avoid potentially tragic risk-taking by discussing the consequences of such behavior in no uncertain terms. Believe it or not, teenagers will listen. Your concern shows that you care about the choices they make.

Top causes of teen crisis

--Parenting teens is particularly difficult these days, with peers, family, schools and the media exerting different kinds of pressure and promoting sometimes-contradictory values. It's your responsibility to know the stresses in your teenager's life and watch for behaviors that can lead to crisis situations.

--Poor academic performance. A child who skips school, has slipping grades or is causing problems in the classroom may be at risk of a crisis. These behaviors are likely to result from low self-esteem and suggest that deeper problems may be brewing.
Depression. Almost one in 10 children suffers from some form of depression. In recent years, depression has begun to affect children at younger and younger ages. In children or adolescents, depression is a serious condition, related directly to suicide and increased drug and alcohol abuse.

--Depression

--Suicide and coping with suicide

--Substance abuse. A child who doesn't have a stable family or whose nature is to act impulsively may be at risk of using drugs and alcohol. Adolescents who become involved in drugs and alcohol have a greater risk of participating in other illegal activities, getting in accidents and being violent.

--Alcoholism

--Drug addiction

--Inhalant abuse in children

--Sexual experimentation. As the media intensifies its focus on sex and young people become sexually active at earlier ages, children are at risk of more sex-related crises. The not-so-subtle message that "everyone's doing it" is resulting in devastating and potentially life-altering consequences, such as sexually transmitted diseases — including AIDS — and unwanted pregnancy. Poor self-control and lack of good role models also contribute to another type of adolescent sexual crisis — specifically, sexual violence. As troubled kids enter adolescence, they are more prone to commit or become victims of sexual violence, such as rape, assault and molestation.

--Adolescents who become aware of their homosexuality also can suffer emotional crisis. If they have to hide their sexual orientation, their self-esteem can crumble. Those who suffer rejection after opening up to family and friends can feel deep shame and intense isolation. They're more prone to violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and academic difficulties, and they are at a higher risk of suicide.

--The risk of another kind of crisis, teen pregnancy, also increases when children become sexually active too soon. Whether the pregnancy is terminated or carried to term, the experience is traumatic for the girl involved. Teenage mothers often face daunting obstacles to completing their education and achieving adult independence.

-- HIV/AIDS

If you suspect that your child is on the verge of a crisis, deal with the cause immediately before the situation worsens. Adolescent problems usually don't resolve themselves, and ignoring the signs might place your child's future in jeopardy.

When crisis turns into tragedy

Adolescent problems sometimes end in tragedy. When a teenager dies violently — whether from suicide or homicide, from a drug overdose or in a motor vehicle accident — the entire community may be traumatized. The victim's family and close friends suffer the most, but even casual acquaintances and classmates can be shaken. It's crucial for you as a parent to understand and empathize with your children's reactions to such traumatic events. Here are some things you can do to help your child cope:

Evaluate the crisis and listen patiently to your child's concerns. It's important to help your adolescent understand what has happened and how it will affect him or her. "Rather than starting out by talking to your child, parents should actually listen to first. That will help you understand what your child's fears and anxieties are," says Walter Cook, M.D., a pediatrician at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.

Be sensitive to your teenager's feelings of vulnerability. Your child may look to you as a safety net during a crisis or tragedy. It is crucial to provide reassurance. "Don't try to immediately eliminate their fears — remind your children that it's OK to be afraid sometimes, but they are safe now. Then, give them some simple reasons why they don't have to worry about it," says Dr. Cook.

Be patient and supportive — healing takes time. It will probably take awhile for your teenager to feel like things are getting back to normal. "If children have exaggerated responses to the tragedy or problems that last longer than one or two months, they should probably seek some help," Dr. Cook advises.
Continue with daily routines and be productive. Dwelling on the tragedy may actually hinder the coping process. You need to provide a sense of normalcy to help your child move on with his or her life.

Be observant of your teenager's behaviors. During crisis and tragedy, "adolescents may show some sleep disturbances, some lack of pleasure in activities they previously enjoyed," Dr. Cook says. "They may also be drawn to substance abuse to try to dampen the pain that they feel, so parents should be on the lookout for drug and alcohol abuse." "Parents may want to watch their children for increased physical complaints, such as headaches, stomachaches, dizziness and tiredness," he notes. "They should also notice if their child becomes withdrawn from his or her peers and family, as we sometimes see depression after tragedies."

Let your child cope in his or her own way — don't interrupt the process. Each child's coping mechanisms are unique and vary according to age, sex, personality, emotional stability and life experience. As long as children don't hurt themselves or others in the process of coming to terms with tragedy, they should be allowed to grieve and adjust in their own ways.

During times of tragedy, give your children extra tender loving care. Let them know that they are an important part of the family. Although difficult at first, crisis and tragedy, in the long run, may actually bring your family closer together.

This article was originally published on www.mayoclinic.com