Focus on Siblings

Focus On Siblings…
A child’s disability affects them too…

Parents and community services sometimes concentrate so much on the needs of a child with disabilities that they do not consider how the disability affects other family members- such as the family’s other children.

“Growing up with a brother or sister who has disabilities can be a positive thing,” said Don Meyer, director of the nationally known Sibling Support Project at Children’s Hospital and Medical Center in Seattle. “Siblings have opportunities that may not be “ available to other families,” he continued. They may develop:

· Insights and empathy on the human condition- the ability to recognize other people’s strengths and to value them as individuals;
· A maturity level learned from successfully coping with the sibling’s special needs;
· Pride in the brother’s or sister’s hard-eared accomplishments;
· Loyalty toward their sibling and family from witnessing and experiencing faithful care and concern for the child with disabilities; and
· Appreciation for their own good health

On the other hand, siblings face special challenges. “No one, except for the mother, spends more time with a child with disabilities that do the siblings, “ said Meyer. “In addition, after the parents are no longer able to care for the person with a disability, the sibling relationship usually continues,” he noted.

“Brothers and sisters share many- if not most- of the same concerns of parents of children with special needs,” said Meyer. “Anything you can say about the parents, you can say for the siblings, too.”

“Siblings have unique needs,” said Jane Johnson, a PACER Center advocate who works with PACER’s sibling focus and is the parent of two adult children, one with disabilities. Surveys find that siblings of children with disabilities may have subconscious fears that they do not voice to other family members, Johnson said.

According to Meyer, Johnson, and others; issues challenging siblings include:

· Fearing they will “catch” the disability. Experts recommend that parents discuss the nature of the disability with all their children as soon as the youngsters can comprehend the information;
· Feeling embarrassed, whether spoken or not, about the appearance or behavior of the sibling with a disability. Parents may wish to instill appreciation for each person’s uniqueness by explaining, even to very young children, that each person is different and has strengths and weaknesses;
· Feeling responsible for care of the child with disabilities or concerned that if they are a caregiver, they may not have the opportunity to life their own life. “Parent’s do their children a disservice if they don’t plan for the future of their children with disabilities,” said Johnson. “They need to talk realistically with other family members about the steps they have taken to provide for the child’s special needs in the future.”
· Feeling isolated if they do not have information about the sibling with the disability that is available to other family members;
· Feeling resentful if the child with disabilities receives most of the family’s attention or is allowed to behave in ways (unrelated to the disability) that other sin the family are not;
· Perceiving pressure to excel in sports, academics, or behavior; and
· Feeling guilty for having caused the disability or illness or for being spared by the condition.

Meyer suggests how parents can help siblings of children with disabilities:

· Provied brothers and sisters with age appropriate information about the disability. Bookstores, libraries, the Internet, and disability-specific organizations, as well as PACER Center and The Sibling Support Project have resources;
· Provide opportunities for typically developing children to meet other siblings of children with special needs. Sibshops, established by The Sibling Support Project as well as activities sponsored by local disability organizations or communities, are available;
· Encourage good family communication with all the families children;
· Set aside some special one-on-one time with each child in the family. Time for a trip to a nearby playground, a hamburger at a local café, a walk or going to an athletic event, tells a child that the parent is available for him or her;
· Learn more about siblings’ experiences/ Resources are available through The Sibling Support Project Web site at www.chmc.org/departmnt/sibsupp/ The Project also has a free Internet listserves (Sib Kids for younger brothers and sisters and SibNet for older siblings ) that enable siblings from across the world to correspond with one another by e-mail.